So, it's time for my biweekly angst/whine fest. I just finished my last exam of gr 12. Course, I'm coming back next year, so it's not like I'm actually done ferreals, but I'm graduating next week. I've got a GREAT job, even if I have like no shifts, and I'm gonna be volunteering with local at-risk aboriginal kids. I'm hooked up for next year, and am basically, barring calamity, guaranteed entry and sweet scholarships for my university program. I've got summer plans with most of my friends, and will be so busy next week that my head will spin. I know exactly where I'm going with my life, and how I'm gonna get there, and have everything set up.

And I don't give a shit. I've known since I was twelve what I wanted to do with my life, but now, it just doesn't seem that important. Nothing motivates me, I hang out with my friends jsut to distract me from this stupid crushing apathy I feel. I'm going to fucking Queens Con-Ed, a program that accepts 60 people out of 1200 applicants, I finally have self-esteem enough to see that I'm frickin hot, and nothing can stop me right now. But I want something to. I need something to come along and fuck with my life, something to make me hurt or panic or explode or something, so I can feel something that will make me care.

Cause honestly all I can feel right now, is angsty apathy(why do i even bother with life, nothing good is ever going to happen,) bitchy apathy(what the hell do i need other people or effort for, i'm already set i can just coast,) and plain old angst(oh god oh god i miss him so much.) And I know, I have no right to be this messed up and needy and angsty, cause there are so many people who have it so much worse, but I don't know what to do. I've been trying to hang with my friends as much as possible and working out to keep myself distracted, but I've got most of the summer off and I honestly don't know if I can deal with that much free time. I know, poor booboo can't handle what people would kill for, but my free time is spent sitting on my couch or bed, crying because I don't know what else to do. Fuck, I'm such an angstmuffin.

So yeah, I don't actually much care if anyone reads this, I jsut needed to vent